2011 Movies: Ranked

Not that I have any respect for the Academy Awards anymore, but the eve of Hollywood's most masturbatory celebration is a good time to reflect on the films of yesteryear.

Travel back with me to a simpler time, a time before the American public was exposed to the atrocity that is Madonna's Cartwheeling Cooter M.I.A.'s middle finger.

The Good

Should be seen, unless you have a particular aversion to the film or genre.

Hanna

Thoroughly exciting, original, and stylized. It is a film that is so engaging from start to finish that a review of it would read like 8 year old me listing the reasons I loved dinosaurs. See it for yourself. Be utterly entertained for two hours.

The Artist

I really love silent films. As a genre of storytelling it is so different from "talkies", and there is a visual language to it that can be stylized and exciting, even without words. It was it's own form of narration that was just abandoned, and the closest we get to it now are awkward and don't properly capture the genre (Guy Maddin comes to mind). "The Artist" however, knows how to use the advantages of the genre. Hyper-real performances (I want Missi Pyle to have her own sequel!), stylized lighting and camerawork all contribute to making this film feel more like a genuine silent film. In other words, I have been wanting to see this done well for a long while. It could be seen as another romantic comedy, and I hate romantic comedies. But in this film, the romance is more of a lengthy flirtation. It takes backseat to the journey of the characters, and the film industry itself. And ultimately, the film is about a female star who uses her power to help a man who must swallow his pride and accept it. It's not terribly complex, but it doesn't have to be, it is done well, and has good performances.

Drive

It would be easy to say this movie is all about Ryan Gosling showing just how good and subtle of a performance he can give. And that would all be true, and enough reason to watch this film. But the movie is well made, and manages to effortlessly blend different genres together around a basic, but well developed plot. The result is just-artsy-enough and just-romantic-enough and just-violent-enough and just-mobsterish-enough to appease almost anybody... If you can stomach people getting their brains blown out... But it only happens a couple times! I wish I could say that I am surprised that this film, and Gosling, were almost completely snubbed at the Oscars... But it's never surprising when the Oscars ignore good, and bold filmmaking.

X-Men First Class

I already reviewed this one here. Basically, it's the X-Men movie this fanboy been waiting to see! That being said, it is pretty sad that any superhero movie is this high on my list of the best movies of the year. I love superheroes, but I'm not about to kid myself and say that superhero films are fine art... Well... Most aren't. This one was awesome, but it is sad that there weren't more better films this year.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

Also, already reviewed this here.. A throroughly enjoyable and climactic ending.

Attack the Block

A great addition to the "Alien Invasion" genre of movies. On top of it being well made, and exciting throughout the film, it has a genuine message about alienation, poverty and violence. Its one of those movies could very well have been made by starting with the message, and then deciding to use the backdrop of an invasion to tell the story.

Bridesmaids

Good, smart, wacky comedies, a rare combination to find. Good, smart, wacky comedies starring an almost exclusively female cast, a practically impossible combination to find! Congrats to Melissa McCarthy for her Oscar Nomination for this performance!

The Watchable

Films worth seeing if you have a particular interest in it, but nothing revolutionary or ground breaking here.

Hugo

Though not without it's problems, Hugo is beautifully made. It has sequences depicting some of the most fantastic silent film productions, which are all particularly appealing to me. Especially because the films emphasizes the role of the filmmaker as an artist, and shows the dedication and love that can go into one's work. The way it deals with the connection of an artist to their work really touched me and even made me cry at one point! However, this touching story about a lost artist re-discovering his muse plays second fiddle to a mediocre performance and trite story about a lost orphan boy who "learns the true meaning of family". "Hugo" has one of those plots that are fueled by tension between characters that would be easily relieved had the characters simply spoken to one another instead of being angsty freazoids! It is leading the Oscar race with the most nominations, including Best Picture. Wouldn't have been my first choice, but it is far superior to many Best Picture nominees (and winners) in past years.

Immortals

I reviewed this film in a previous post, see it here. It's well made, and worth seeing if you have an interest in these ancient greek movies. Definitely the best of the new wave of sword and sandal movies.

Weekend

I'm not usually a fan of romance movies (gay or straight), but I heard this one was good, so I checked it out. It is a well made indie romance, though plot-wise it is comparable to almost any other romance. What stood out to me about this one is the perspective and experiences two main characters have had being gay. The main character is solitary, unsocial, and "out" to his close friends (none of whom are gay), but generally not open about things like sex. He always feels on the outside, and while he may be secure in his sexuality, he is insecure of himself on some level. Romance aside, it is a story that I believe, many people could relate to.

Captain America

At this point, I pretty much know what to expect from superhero movies. Captain America isn't spectacular or groundbreaking, though it does manage to pull of a Nazi-Fighting Montage in a way that is both exciting, fun and not too cheesy. Well, cheesy in a way that works for the 1940's feel of it. I also was surprised by how impressed I was with Chris Evans. To play Pre-Cap Steve Rogers, they digitally put Chris Evans' face onto a smaller man's body, a slippery slope indeed. Still, it didn't look as bad as I thought it might, and Evans does a good job depicting the scrappy but courageous Soldier-Wannabe. Then, once Rogers becomes Captain America and grows the pecs and arms he was always meant to have, Evans still keeps that tone of innocence as the unassuming, but powerful Captain America. It was his endearing performance that made this film stand above others like Thor and Iron Man 2. Plus, Hugo Weaving as Red Skull?! YES!

Super 8

Aside from the gratiuitous amount of lens flare and trite Spielberg-isms that are thrown it, "Super 8" is mostly enjoyable. Doesn't always make a lot of sense, but it is simple enough that there isn't much that would ruin the plot. And, what stands out the most, is the group of kids featured in the film. It's hard to have a group of child actors get together and behave like normal adolescents would. There is a fine line of friends tormenting and playing that can come across as forced if pushed too far. But each of the kids is unique, and important, and their interactions all feel very real.

Rango

Cute family film. I mostly watched it because of the animation, which really was amazing. Beyond the animation, there was nothing great about the movie, but nothing overly stupid. It is a good kids movie, and perhaps Johnny Depps best performance in years. Mostly because you can't tell it's Johnny Depp. Not to say that I hate Johnny Depp, I'm just tired of seeing him play a rehashed Jack Sparrow or morose Tim Burton protagonist. It was nice to be reminded of how verastile he can be.

The Future

Huh......... It's weird and I like that... Still... Huh...

Paranormal Activity 3

I get all of the Paranormal Activity movies mixed up in my head. If you like the genre of found footage horror, then you'll probably like it. I also do have to give the series creds for following along the same story for 3 movies!

Thor

Norse Bro is kicked out of Bro-ville. He spend some time bro-ing out on earth before he gets help from some of his other Norse Bros so he can go back and Bro-out in Bro-ville. There are some cool effects and everything else you would expect, some cool fights, a few laughs. If you like superhero movies, it is enjoyable but nothing new. It also has Natalie Portman, who I think is like Bruce Willis in that they make one good films every three or four years and then they suck in everything else. We tapped out our good Porman with "Black Swan" so expect her to be annoying again for the next few years.

The Unwatchable

Movies that I found to be completely not worth seeing.

Super

This film isn't necessarily "unwatchable", it has funny parts and some decent performances in it. I usually enjoy films that look at complicated and real violence (as opposed to simplistic cartoon violence, which is how I see most superhero violence) in an interesting or unique way. The problem I had with this film is that it deals with very graphic violence in such a casual way. This isn't some zombie flick where people are getting torn up left and right, this is a real man, who has a textbook case of schizo-something, committing real acts of violence. People around him die, he never stops to see himself for what he is.... And then he's rewarded in the end. It has one of the most unbalanced moral compasses this side of Zack Snyder  I understand that this film has appeal for some people, but I see it as a film that is damaging to a society already obsessed with violence.

Scream 4

I feel like I grew up constant anticipation of which teen actress from 90's WB was going to get gutted by GhostFace next. And going into this one, I didn't want to believe it would be good, but I still thought "Well, it's gotta be better than the third one, right?" ... I was wrong.

The Beaver

This movie ties with "Sucker Punch" as my most hated of the year, mostly because it is completely devoid of creativity. Other than the ploy of the beaver puppet, this movie has nothing remotely original or interesting about it. It is basically "Mrs. Doubtfire" meets "Elizabethtown", but with a puppet.

Sucker Punch

I watched this movie knowing that I loathe Zack Snyder. But I thought it would be funny, and the stylization and action would keep me entertained. I was wrong. This movie has a plot that is more simplistic than most video games, and more plot holes than the entire series of "Lost". And the worst part is that the film thinks that if you give a hot woman a fantasy world, a sexy outfit and a weapon, the juxtaposition of the sexy and dangerous automatically create a feminist icon. Though meanwile in the real world, the women are utterly complacent, putting up barely any resistance against the oppressive men abusing them. This is supposed to be okay because the girls are actually totally badass fighters... Except not really. Only in the imaginary world do they ever stand up for themselves.

(SPOILER: all but one of them gets killed or otherwise permanently penetrated by a man)

Even in part of the "Fantasy" they are all prostitutes in a burlesque house run by their pimp (who is actually an orderly that can somehow get away with murdering mental patients). There is literally a scene in which the lead character "Baby Doll" is standing right next to her step-father and an orderly as they devise a plot to illegaly lobotomize her. Does Baby Doll a) speak up for herself b) make a run for it c) inform the authorities of the plot or d) none of the above, and instead looks at all the pretty girls? Well, Snyder likes pretty girls, so of course his lead stares at pretty girls, even as her fate is being decided by two crooked men. It's basically saying "forget all this lobotomy talk, there's hot chicks to gawk at!" Snyder consistently has the most obvious, trite choice of music. He often chooses good songs, but places them in a context that is so tasteless and devoid of depth that the songs are ruined! To top it all off, the theatrical release of "Sucker Punch" is actually not even a finished version of the awful film that was made... There is more visual vomit to puke on top of this heaping pile of bile. The film has three layers of reality, the "real" world, in which the girls are patients in an asylum, the bordello reality in which they are slave-sex-workers from which the girls leap into their next video game level. In the bordello reality, they are supposed to be burlesque dancers, and they are constantly talking about dancing, and at dance practice... But there's no actual dancing!!! Snyder uses the dance sequences as a springboard from which the girls leap into battle mode. We constantly see them JUST ABOUT to dance, or JUST FINISHED dancing, but there is NO actual dancing... And it comes across as incredibly awkward. Until the end credits, which are a montage of burlesque sequences that were meant to be in the film, and instead are just used as extra crazy-sauce on the tail end of this Mysogyny Sunday. There is a directors cut which includes the dance sequences, which was supposed to be an entire aspect of the film that included several musical numbers. Which may make the film feel less disjointed, but no less atrocious.

Winter 2011 Pop Roundup

Okay, I know it's kinda late, but I decided to do a little recap of a few things I was watching at the end of 2011

 Immortals

This is director Tarsem Singh's newest film, his first since "The Fall". When I first heard the words "Tarsem" and "Greek mythology" together, I was excited. Then I saw the preview, and it just looked like a rehashed "300" (a film I loathe almost as much as "Lady in the Water"). I was worried that Tarsem's walking-fashion-shoot style would fall flat on its face. The new wave of sword and sandal movies have proven to follow suit with other contemporary action movies, a hollow visual style, overly complex plot, hot women, and hotter muscle dudes, overall, they leave a lot to be desired. Nevertheless, I felt my eyes begging me to let them feast on whatever Tarsem has to offer. Of course my eye balls were blown away, and my brain was actually pleasantly surprised as well. Tarsem reigns in his intense visual style to convey the difference between the world of men and the world of the Gods, the world of men is dirty and old, saving pure opulence for the Gods. The story is simplistic, not overly complicated, and with the combination of classic storytelling and eye gouging visuals, I can only imagine that this film truly displays the imaginative grandeur of Hellenistic Greece in a way that ancient Greeks would understand. While its characters are archetypal, they do not feel forced, or contrived. Mickey Rourke is especially enthralling as the tyrant King Hyperion, a psychopath who makes sense in the most twisted way. It also has a stronger and more varied feminine presence than most films of its type. Women in this world are warriors, priestesses, mothers, they are shown as both emotionally and physically powerful, though different from men. Of course, it is, fundamentally, an action movie. And it certainly pays off with jaw dropping battle scenes. These are not battles of full armies clashing with swords flying. Tarsem focuses on a more singular style of fighting, focusing on the individual battles that are shaping the future of this world. Yes, men fight men, and Mickey Rourke's final battle really displays his acting chops. But what is really astounding to watch is the battles of the Gods and Titans! It is like The Matrix meets Mortal Kombat (because of the huge amounts of blood), all clad in shiny gold armor. Bottom line, this is the movie about ancient Greece I have been waiting to see.

Melancholia

Lars Von Trier's latest cinematic shock therapy is perhaps his least misogynistic, but also not as well realized of a story as many of its predecessors. I can appreciate the emotional pain he invokes in the audience, but in the case of "Melancholia", the pain was not worth it! The film is split into two parts for the two sisters whom the film focuses on. The first part is about Justine at her lavish wedding party. She is pretty, wealthy, newly wed to a completely doting husband, and yet she is cripplingly depressed. We spend the first half of the film watching her being showered with attention and wealth, yet she is seething with depression. After about twenty minutes of this, I was desperately wondering what about this story are we supposed to be drawn to? By the end, you can see that Von Trier is satirizing the wealthy, showing us that ultimately wealth does not separate you from the existentialism of human condition. But the entire first hour does not give you enough perspective to see this. The film moves on to the second part of the story, focusing on Justine's highly practical sister, Claire. We discover that the world is watching a stray planet (named Melancholica) which may or may not crash into earth. And though this sci-fi element intrigued me, by the time it is revealed, I was tired of watching depressed rich people, and I just wanted the planet to crash into earth already.

Terra Nova

The basic premise for this show is that 150 years in the future, mankind is totally screwed. At mankind's daaaaaarkest hour, a time slip is found that goes back to dinosaur times, so the government (or whoever it is that runs America) decides to send colonists back in time in one final effort to save mankind. Can you guess the name of the colony? Terra Nova. Obviously. The planet is dying, the air is barely breathable, and social disparity is at it's worst.  One of the new laws is that a family can only have two kids. Enter the Shannon family, who have THREE kids of course their third, is the special little illegal jewel of a precious girl... Obviously. The feds bust them and arrest the father. While the father (Jim, which always sounds like a fake name to me, because of David's use of the name as an alias with a hookup on "Six Feet Under") is in jail, the mother is asked to go to Terra Nova because of her mad doctor skillz (in the world of Terra Nova, "Doctor" means you can do everything, from electronics, to computer hacking, to biochemistry, it's all the same... Obviously.) But, the mother cannot bring their illegal child, so she breaks the husband out of jail, and smuggle him and the girl into Terra Nova. Once there, the Main Bro of Terra Nova decides to make Jim his Number One Bro (despite the fact that he is a fugitive), and the rest of the series pretty much unfolds as an epic Bro-Down with dinosaurs. There are a few women Bro-ing down too, you can spot the Women-Bros (Wo-Bros) because they all seem to have a huge surplus of liquid eye-liner. The show is utterly mediocre, and the entire season I kept waiting for them to explain why the Shannon family felt like they should be privileged enough to have extra children. The show seems to be all about family values (about half of the episodes end with the family cooing over children, babies or family in some way), but the leads are people who deliberately are breaking laws that are designed to create a better life for ALL families. I just think it's a terrible message to say "Have more kids, even when it's illegal. It's okay if we reeeeally want them, those other people should follow the rules, but we don't have to", when we ARE overpopulated, and ARE facing the dilemmas proposed in the show. The show is pretty much summed up by a line delivered by Commander Taylor (the Head Bro), when he is holding up a newborn baby, "This is what Terra Nova is all about". So, when it comes to Terra Nova (or as I like to call it, Terra-Brova), "Expect the expected".

American Horror Story

There are a few problems I have with the show. First being the main characters are pretty bland. But perhaps the most distasteful element I can give away without any spoilers is the way it handles the home's previous owners, a gay couple. It has utterly unfunny and tasteless jokes that a 13 year old would find funny, like the ol' "Those homos- I mean homeowners", yes someone really said that and quickly followed up with a "Queer eye for the straight guy" joke. One of the more interesting elements of the show is the slow reveal of decades worth previous  residents of the home. It usually involves creepy people, doing creepy things... Unless the residents are gay. Then it obviously involves working out, a Martha Steward-esque level of crafting and squealing about "twinks". It just fumes me that the creators of this show (the creators of "Glee," which may be why they love stereotyping gay people) are the people in Hollywood that America sees as progressive in terms of gay characters in the media. There were more progressive gay characters on TV ten years ago (makes me appreciate David on "Six Feet Under")!

Project Accessory

The latest spin-off of Project Runway is the same style of competition show, but with accessory designers instead of fashion designers. It's interesting because the work that goes into making shoes and bags and jewelry is very different from clothes. The problem is, watching a necklace and clutch purse coming down the runway is significantly less exciting than seeing unique and interesting clothing design. However, as a result, the judges really do appreciate the outrageous designs over demure, classy ones. And I'll take outrageous and interesting over boring and chic any day! The hosts and judges are mostly duds. Instead of Heidi Klum they have Molly Sims, who is so vacant, she makes the Stepford Wives look human. They've replaced Tim Gunn with Eva Jeanbart-Lorenzotti who is devoid of any kind of attachment or interest in anything... Which is actually pretty hilarious to watch. She comes across as a drunk pill popper who will smile and deliver lines, but really just doesn't want to hear about another clutch purse and can't wait to get back to her bloody mary backstage.

Project Runway All-Stars

Regarding Project Runway All-Stars.... Are these really the All-Stars? When I think All-Stars, I think of contestants who made it to the top 3, or final 4. The cast is full of people who were eliminated at the beginning, middle and end of their seasons. Because we've seen all these designers before, it almost seems too easy to predict who will make it to the top and who is just cannon fodder. Nevertheless, I'm excited and rooting for Jarell!!!!!