Pic-centric (2)

 This is a still of Lady Deathstrike on the old X-Men cartoon. I just love the way she's smiling at her new giant claws the way anybody else would smile at a puppy.

I've been watching old episodes of 3rd Rock From the Sun, and it's really good, which is surprising for old sitcoms! Have you SEEN Friends recently?! What's that? You were too cool for Friends when it aired? I certainly wasn't. And for some reason I thought it was good. So far as I can tell Seinfeld and 3rd Rock From the Sun are some of the only "laugh track" sitcoms that will stand the test of time (not counting animated shows, obviously!). The actors are all great, John Lithgow, Kristen Johnston and Jane Curtin are all so energetic and have such great nuances to their characters. And as aliens they develop such an interesting take on humans that is nihlistic, innocent, truthful and positive. At the end of the first episode they are supposed to return home but decide to stay because they find humans so interesting. They retain that interest, finding the emotional bonds we create and the social constructs we develop in order to make connections to the world so unique. It's nice to see something you remember being so good actually BE that good. Anyway, above is a surprise cameo I came across in an episode with Phil Hartman as a very flamboyant mall cosmetic salesman! Fun fact, he also showed up later in the series as Harry's (French Stewart, above with Hartman) girlfriend's (Vicki Doubeck, played by Jan Hooks) psycho ex-boyfriend who abducts Harry!!

"Violent Revenge Dramas"!?! I just love some of the categories on Netflix!

... But I hate the new interface!

 Amazon, I am deeply offended by this random suggestion of Glee! I have no reason why they would think I wanted that! The only thing I can think of is because I bought the "Dollhouse" DVD's on Amazon, and that show is also on Fox.... But a completely different type of show! Bad form Amazon.

I have a lot of free time at work, and yes, sometimes... maybe even often, I read celebrity gossip. My favorite is Perez Hilton, and on his blog there's a feature in which a little "Shop" button appears in his celebrity photos and it shows you what the celeb is wearing and where you can buy it. Below are pictures of the wreckage from Ryan Dunn's recent and fatal accident (they're not gory, you only see the destroyed car). Normally I wouldn't post pictures of something so genuinely tragic, but on Perez Hilton, the photos include the "Shop" button and I can't figure out why cuz those cops are not couture! Tasteless Perez! I've also noticed more and more grammatical errors on his website. Perez, just cuz you're famous doesn't mean you shouldn't edit!

 This is a still from the TV show "The Hunger". Not a great show, but I thought this picture looked sweet!

 Okay, I know it's awful, but I've been watching "Toddlers and Tiaras" and I'm sort of addicted to it! It's so weird! ...And hilarious! These are pictures of a self-proclaimed "Pageant Dad"! He makes all of his TINY daughter's clothes (she is pictured above, the one he's wagging the feathery whip thing at), and he's pretty flaming, though married... Hm.... That's his hot wife giving him a "Quit lying to me" face as she bestows upon his receding hairline an honorary tiara. Does that make him a princess?

Yes, that is him with a hat that says "Pageant Dad" in hot pink. 

RuPaul's Drag Race has come to an end and I don't know how I'm going to get through the next 8 months until the next season! I guess it's good it's not on for more than 3 months at a time because it would consume my life. Anyway, during the summer they air "RuPaul's Drag U" which isn't as good, but I'm a total Drag Queen junkie so I watch it. And it's fun because all of the queens on it are now way more famous than when they were on Drag Race, so they have all these super crazy outfits!

Here is Ongina with some kind of feather-y viper fish-esque thing with a wire that protrudes from the feathers in her head and dangles a pink fluff in front of her!

AND OMG LOOK AT MANILA! I love this crazy outfit, like an 8 year old girl pickd out her hair accessories with some kind of double eye illusion for makeup! Plus a total man-face right here!

Film Maker in the Water... And he's drowning.

Let's discuss my most hated filmmaker of all time, M. Night Shyamalan. I actually want to see everything he makes because his films really are so ridiculously bad in completely absurd ways. Here are his films given my point system 0 - 10, 0 being "Elizabethtown" and 10 being "The Fall"

Avatar: The Last Airbender- 7 points (WITH RIFFTRAX ONLY), 3 without rifftrax.

I am completely mystified why somebody thought it was a good idea to put this much money behind Shyamalan after his last two disasters. The money at least shows in some really awesome fighting sequences and special effects. But Shyamalan reigns in his trademark style of human interaction that makes me wonder if he's ever had a human conversation. The actors seem like they are trying to behave like Anime cartoons.... which of course just makes viewing it seem like you're watching some kind of training video for a cosplay living community. Every statement made is delivered like it is the single most dire piece of dialogue ever spoken. It's exhausting. The main character is played by Noah Ringer who makes Jake Lloyd as Anikin in Star Wars Episode I look like academy award winner Daniel Day Lewis. Ringer is like nails on a chalkboard for your eye balls. The movie is full of unexplainable film making techniques, such as, when cutting from one scene, he splices a random shot of a field before going to the next scene.  While looking at the field (which is unrelated to the last scene) we start to hear the voice over of characters talking for the next scene. You expect to see the people in the field somewhere, but instead, we cut to a whole different location where the characters are speaking. Why did we take time out of our film to see this banal meadow that had nothing to do with the two scenes that bookend it? Such are the mysteries of Shyamalan. I watched this movie with Rifftrax (recordings made by the cast of Mystery Science Theater 3000 for new films that you download and play as you watch the movie), which was so funny it gave me an asthma attack. I recommend seeing this movie with Rifftrax only, the effects are good, and you will laugh at M. Night, which is always a good time. No twist ending, but a set up for a sequel that will never happen after this belly flopped to its doom.

The Happening- 4

 

FACE FACE FACE

This movie is more packed with Shyamalan's utter ignorance to human interaction than any of his films. Something about Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschannel just feels so manufactured. The dialogue and direction is actually so funny it's almost worth watching for that reason alone (but that's the only reason). They spend most of the film running from the wind, and no matter where they end up, everybody inexplicably understands that Wahlberg is the best candidate to be in charge, even when he's standing absolutely still in the face of the killer wind and THINKING REALLY HARD about what to do when the only action anybody takes in the entire film is people running (and dying). Other characters are only ever there as filler and nobody's motivations make any lick of sense. One character is trying to escape the deadly wind with his daughter, and instead of staying with his daughter, he decides it's best to go on to what the audience knows is a suicide mission to a town that everybody knows is already decimated, to find his wife who everybody knows is already dead. Then we're expected to give a shit when he dies. Other character-less screen fillers are young teenagers who show up as "part of the gang" with no explanation, completely unconcerned with the well being or whereabouts of their parents or family. They are instead stoked about being able to run around being tough kids... until they get shot in the face. But all that aside, it's hard to get into a movie when the plot fundamentally makes no sense.

SPOILERS AHEAD

I can buy into the storyline of plants excreting something that takes away humans sense of self-preservation. That's actually an interesting, environmentally conscious storyline. But if you ask me, the loss of your sense of self-preservation wouldn't make you stab yourself in the throat or actively leap off a building. It would have been more interesting to see people have passive suicidal tendencies instead of actively committing suicide. Personally, I was rooting for the plants. Bonus points for showing a really annoying 14 year old kid get shot in the face.

Lady in the Water- there is no rating system that can properly grade this film other than the number of pieces every copy of this film should be smashed into. Which is millions.

"Is there a messiah out here. No. Just pretentious film makers and the stench of self importance."

"Lady in the Water" is tied with "Elizabethtown" for my two all time worst movies ever made. They not only don't contribute to society as films, but actually suck intelligence out of you. This pairing with "Elizabethtown" is particularly notable because I always loathe romantic comedies, but fantasy and horror are genres I can usually enjoy on a superficial level, if not really appreciate them. But LITW offended me in ways I didn't think was possible. It is one of those pieces of art that when people tell me they like it, I have to reconsider my relationship with them.

The plot is so far beyond contrived, but I will try to surmise it. Yes this will include spoilers, no you should not care. The setting is an apartment complex, full of tenants each of whom have their own desperate quirk. The maintenance man, Paul Giamatti finds a girl (Bryce Dallas Howard.... uuuuuugh) in the pool one night. He discovers that she is a nymph, only they call it a Narf, which is the nonsensical exclamation that the mouse Pinky from the cartoon "Pinky and the Brain" used to shout like he had tourettes. This NARF named Story is lost from her homeland and a monster is after her, Giamatti has to get home to reclaim the throne, blah, blah, blah. In order to get her home some kind of complex ritual has to be performed, and all of the tenants have to play various parts in it, Symbolist, Guardian, Guild, and Healer. Of course nobody questions the validity of a NARF because none of them saw "Animaniacs". They go ahead and perform the ritual, and it doesn't work. So we get to watch them scramble around the roles they all play and suddenly people are all disbelieving "No, I CAN'T be the GUARDIAN! That's CRAZY!" Now, to me, when you spend half the movie setting random quirky characters into these random positions to do some action, then spend the other half of the movie reshuffling the same undeveloped characters into the same random positions, that only counts as HALF a plot because you're just performing the same actions twice. Anyway, they do it, she leaves, and we're all better off without Bryce Dallas Howard.

You might think that the contrived, nonsensical and unnecessarily complex plot is the worst part of the film, but far from it. This was the film that informs the audience that Shyamalan thinks we're dumb. That's right, if we listen to what the movie tells us (and anything this movie tells us once, it tells us multiple times), then we, the audience, have no experience seeing films, have no intuition of genre or plot or theme or foreshadowing. In order to keep us informed of what Shyamalan thinks is his ever so deft and intricate film making, he writes in a film critic (of the quirky variety, of course). Through this character, Shyamalan takes every opportunity to let him TELL US what he is doing as a filmmaker. This is most evident in which the character narrates his own death scene, explaining to us that this is the point in the film when the unlikeable side character is confronted by his past deeds in the form of a CGI wolf-monster. Now, if that is not evidence enough for his arrogance, just wait. Trying to liken himself to Hitchcock, Shyamalan gives himself cameos in all of his films. Usually it is in a passing scene, but in "Lady in the Water" he gives himself a larger role. Not only a larger role, but he literally writes himself in as the SAVIOR OF MANKIND. Yes, you read those capitals correctly, he make himself the messiah. Shyamalan plays a writer who is writing a piece of nonfiction which will inspire some corn-fed Midwesterner who will in turn become a great leader and usher the world into a new Camelot or something. I have never felt like a filmmaker has to obviously insulted my intelligence while holding me upside down from my ankles and shaking my money out of my pockets.

What's astounding is that this script is what made him lose his contract with Disney. They wanted him to change it, and he absolutely refused to make any modifications... which got him fired. As it should have.

In conclusion, the moral of the story is that Shyamalan thinks that he's utterly brilliant and that you're too stupid to understand his obvious references and tropes unless he writes in a character who can literally tell you what his intentions are. What he has to tell us about himself in this film is loathsome and unforgivable. This movie just had too much ego filling up the theater, maybe that's why nobody went to see it and it flopped.

The Village- 2.5 points

Why is this blind girl looking at me?

Sigourney Weaver, Joaquin Phoenix, Adrien Brody, Michael Pitt, and yet, they are not able to save this movie from Bryce Dallas Howard's pathetic attempt at trying to play a blind girl. I don't know if Howard was just not told what being blind means, or if she's just that feeble minded, but this blind girl somehow knows exactly where everything was, and looks right at it. I really didn't understand that she was blind for a good part of the film because she plays it so awfully. This film planted the seeds for my seething hate of Bryce Dallas Howard that I usually save for cheese and romantic comedies. The plot is uninspiring, the monsters in it are pretty creatively designed, but the surprise ending wasn't so much a surprise as much as it was a surprise that it was supposed to be a surprise. Bonus points for only having the Shyamalan cameo shown in a reflection.

Signs- 2 points

Mel Gibson, M. Night Shyamalan, lots of people looking at things in the dark and an ending that leaves any agnostic, atheist and anybody with a basic understanding of biology or common sense- unfulfilled. That pretty much sums up this one.

SPOILERS AHEAD

The movie's about aliens and the "twist" ending is that water burns the aliens like acid (and that god exists and sends cryptic messages). Why an intelligent life form able to travel millions of light years to come to our planet wouldn't take precautions against this substance that burns the shit out of them, AND covers 70% of the planet, only Shyamalan knows... And maybe God.

Unbreakable- 8 points

Picture by Alex Ross!

This is the one film of Shyamalan's that I not only find mostly tolerable, but is actually really good. I would argue that it's one of the best superhero films ever made, a very well structured origin story. The characterization and plot is subtle, but scores ahead of the contemporary superhero flicks that are out there today. Shyamalan's usually pretentious methods of film making are utilized here in a proper way, emphasizing duality, reflections and opposites all which are important to the story itself. His camera work is also interesting to watch, full of single perspectives, it keeps the viewer both detached and engaged. Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson both excel at their larger than life roles, giving them large doses of humanity accompanied with eccentricities to give them an edge. The ending is a somewhat predictable twist, but brings the movie to a good full circle. Still, the movie still would hold up without it, which is what's important with a twist ending, it can't be the one thing that makes the movie good. And what's best is that you can tell it is made from a perspective that really loves comics.

The Sixth Sense- 6 points

Shyamalan's breakout film was actually nominated for best picture, screenplay, director, supporting actor (Osment), supporting actress (Collette) and editing. It didn't win a single one. I never got what the big deal about this movie was. Haley Joel Osment is okay, and I'm usually down for some Bruce Willis, but as a fan of horror movies, this wasn't really anything special. The twist ending is interesting if you watch it with no intuition about film at all, and if you remove the ending you just have a half assed horror movie that never really "goes there" and has a single scary scene. But bonus points for Toni Collette, Olivia Williams and 1/9th of NKOTBSB.

Burlesque: The flop that could've been.

I tried not to blog about "Burlesque" but I realized I just couldn't help myself. When I first heard about "Burlesque", a musical that basically followed the plot of Showgirls but was about a burlesque club and starred Cher and Christina Aguilera, I was excited in spite of my better judgement to not trust today's mainstream entertainment industry. Of course it was going to be Camp Fest 2010, and of course Cher is fierce even if she comes across as an alien goddess, she can really pull anything off (see youtube video of her doing the ensemble reprise of "Tonight" from "West Side Story" while she plays and sings for EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER). Christina I wasn't so sure about, I've never really been a fan. And I was hoping that they wouldn't sacrifice the style of real burlesque for something more contemporary and pop oriented. But I was still curious and wanted to see it. Despite my efforts, not a soul would go with me to see it in theaters, so I waited for it to be available on Netflix and when it came in the mail I found that it actually exceeded my expectations!

The movie is "Showgirls", "Coyote Ugly" and "Cabaret" all mixed together and put through a Disney filter of good ol' fashioned fun.  The plot is basically the plot of Coyote Ugly or Showgirls (though more Coyote Ugly because the main character is "sweet" and not an "ex-crack whore"); small town girl with big town dreams, blah blah blah. Christina does a decent job in a simple role as a small town simpleton who moves to the big city. Simple, simple, simple. But when she hits the stage she really channels her inner Velma Kelly for a very fun display of old and new dance. Throw in a love interest with minimal conflict and a fierce mentor who just isn't sure about trusting this wild card and you've got a not-terrible 40 minute plot. Which is fine with me because the whole rest of the film (about an hour) is pretty much nothing but musical numbers in the burlesque club. And the musical numbers are actually done really well! The first number in the club is "Welcome to Burlesque" sung by Cher and from these first moments, I knew I was sold on the film. In a very "Cabaret- Wilkommen" inspired number, Cher's character Tess introduces the sultry dancers, welcoming the audience to the club, and once we're there we barely leave for the first hour of the film.


Tell me you don't see Catherine Zeta-Jones in "Chicago" right here!


What I love most about it is that it really pays tribute to the tradition of burlesque, vaudeville and cabaret performance.  Many of the songs are original but I appreciated that they reserved several musical numbers as strictly traditional dance to old standards like "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend". The original songs aren't spectacularly written, but from what I saw, it was much more about the look of the club and the dancers than the actual songs, which is appropriate for the kind of performance they showcase in the film. The movement and dance in it is very heavily influenced by Fosse, you see his signature poses and movement in every musical number throughout the entire film, and it's fun seeing how contemporary dance is very much inspired by his work. And if that's not enough for you musical theater dorks, it even has a cameo by Alan Cumming (who famously reinvigorated the role of the Emcee in the Broadway revival of "Cabaret") who does a vaudeville number with two dancers in which they find themselves in several compromising positions referencing the "Cabaret" song "Two Ladies". Christina even gets her "Maybe This Time" type ballad song as the love interest develops. It's almost like a less controversial homage to "Cabaret", which is great. I've often wondered, in this day in age when musicals are back in and "Chicago" wins Best Picture why there hasn't been a remake of "Cabaret" but until then, "Burlesque" is a good substitute.

Pic-centric (1)

First up is my favorite 10 year old pop star! Willow Smith. Doesn't she look exactly like like Will Smith in Baby Drag?

Trying to get into the slasher mood for Scream 4 (I'm not sure what I wanted out of it, my 14 year old self had high hopes, but it felt pretty meh to me) I recently watched the 1981 My Bloody Valentine for the first time. As I'm sitting there watching it I realize I not only have this exact same levi's denim jacket (really from the 80's too) but I also have the exact same cowboy shirt with the white trim and snaps! If you've seen the movie, it may make you wonder about my character. Apparently he is reprised by Kerr Smith in the remake whom you may remember from Dawson's Creek... not that I do. The movie is fun, a good classic slasher that I'd somehow never seen. Not the best slasher movie, but the Miner is pretty creepy. Bloody, campy, co-ed, murderous fun with creepy mine killing scenes on Netflix Streaming? Why suuuure!

This is a still from a commercial about cash back on a credit cared... I dunno, it seemed funny seeing this woman at a home supply store gleefully plucking money from the toaster she just purchased as the clerk just charmingly smiles and nods behind her.

Usually I hate Kiera Knightly and wouldn't see a movie she is in just because she bugs the HELL out of me. But I was really interested in Never Let Me Go, so much so that I was willing to put myself through 100 minutes of her. But the movie takes place over a large period of time, and she's only in about the third of the movie. And to my surprise, she didn't bother me in it. Despite all my misgivings with her, I really sympathized with her character, Ruth, even though she is kind of a bitch. Plus, I can't explain it, but somehow having bangs down to her eyelids make her more tolerable. I don't want to give away too much, because it really is worth seeing for a wide range of audiences. I always enjoy the kind of science fiction films that take a very realistic look at a simple but profound difference to an otherwise changed society and explore the possibilities. It is interesting as a science-fiction film because they make a point of telling us that there is a much darker side to the society, but we never see it. We still see darkness and sadness, but it is from a very unique perspective. There's no action sequences, no futuristic technology, and very little and purposeful blood and violence. The story is sad, and slow at times but the simultaneous somber and whimsical tones make it engaging from beginning to end.

These are stills from the 1928 French film The Passion of Joan of Arc. Without a doubt one of the best silent films and considered by some one of the best films of all time, it also features one of the best performances ever captured on film by Maria Falconetti as Joan of Arc (she only ever appeared in 2 films). I could go on and on about how marvelous this film is, but it really is one of those films you just must see. To say that praise for Falconetti as one of the greatest performances on film is deserved would be a gross understatement. The style of constant close up cinematography and direction was groundbreaking for its time and is still visually stimulating and beautiful throughout. It is based on the transcriptions from the actual trial, kept intact for centuries. I would be interested in seeing a stage adaptation of the film, I bet it could be really neat if done well, but it is also a treasure and perhaps shouldn't be trifled with.

And it's available on Netflix Streaming!

The reign of Tyra Sanchez is over! Long live the Queen!

This week we have been given a new pop icon! A new queen to follow in the footsteps of RuPaul and is given the title of America's Next Drag Superstar! If you have never seen RuPaul's Drag Race first, get with the times already! Then go to http://www.rupaulsdragrace.com/ where you can watch every episode of every season and GAG ON THE ELEZANGA!!!!

Season 3 of RuPaul's Drag Race was very impressive. The cast was all around much stronger than Season 2. RuPaul herself continues to not only shine in the multiple roles of host, mentor and judge, but she manages to rip through the very fabric of reality television! In this season she brought back a queen sent home before her time in Season 2, one week, she made the executive decision to not make any contestant "Sashay Away" and even allowed herself to be overruled by the other judges and bring back an eliminated queen! Before I go on, I must say that in 3 seasons of this show, and in the 33 queens who have graced the catwalk, I have yet to see one who matches the charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent of RuPaul herself. She is regal, glamorous, intelligent, poised, funny and even a little trashy, bottom line she has it all. That being said, let's look at the fierceness that is RuPauls Drag Race Season 3!


Top Row (left to right): Mimi Imfurst, Carmen Carerra, Stacy Layne Matthews, India Ferrah, Alexis Mateo, Delta Work, Mariah, Manila Luzon, Yara Sofia, Venus D-Lite
Bottom Row (Right to left): Raja, Phoenix
Not pictured: Shangela Laquifa Wadley


WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW!


Venus D-Lite: The first queen eliminated is often a tough one to say goodbye to because it relies solely on their ability to make their own clothes. A contestant could have charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent coming out of their ears but if they can't sew, they won't last long. I would have liked to have seen more of Venus, she talked about how she has committed her life to performing, and I believe if she had gotten past the first lap she would have been more of a contender. However, she is mostly known as a Madonna impersonator (and a good one, she looks just like her), and in the search for America's Next Drag Superstar, I would be looking for someone with a whole new personality all their own.

Phoenix: Phoenix was eliminated in the Sci-Fi challenge in which the Queens portrayed various characters in a trailer from a Sci-Fi movie. From the two episodes she was on, it was clear that Phoenix has a fashion sense that stands out, eccentric and fun. However, anytime she opened her mouth to talk, she sounded like some cracked out dude being arrested on cops (and looked like one when she was out of makeup). The most consistent problem I find with contestants on the show is that as Drag Queens, their method of artistic expression and performing is only lip syncing. When it comes to actually speaking and being poised on camera, it is unfamiliar to them and instead of confidence and glamor shining through, we only see awkwardness. Phoenix's performance in the Sci-Fi trailer was so bad it felt like a lost clip from an Ed Wood film. This was Phoenix's downfall, and she did not rise from the ashes.

Mimi Imfurst: Mimi came into the competition carrying the torch of camp. Though today it seems to be phasing out of the culture, camp has a strong place in drag history. And considering this, it's surprising they haven't had more like Mimi. The closest were the 2nd season's Pandora Boxx or season 1's Tammie Brown. But Mimi brought an element of chaos, storming through the show like a hurricane. Despite consistent breakdowns during the episodes, she was in the top in both the first and second episode. Then in episode three, for the workout video challenge, the winds of Hurricane Mimi reached a point where you didn't want to take the boards off the windows for fear of getting glass in your eye, but you couldn't help but peek through the cracks and watch Mimi ripping through the neighborhood. I'm glad Mimi was on the show, she had a glaringly strong personality (even if it did include fits of crying EVERY EPISODE), I'm glad they got the one complete train wreck of a sketch in the workout video challenge, but it was definitely her time. This was wholly evident during the Lip Synch for Your Life against India Ferrah when she literally hoisted the competition on her shoulders. As Manila said "You can't go lifting up Drag Queens!" Personally, I would have made her pick out a switch, but RuPaul, ever the diplomatic classy broad that she is simply told her "Drag is NOT a contact sport" before making her "Sashay Away".

India Ferrah: Oh India... She and Phoenix suffered from the same syndrome of having very eccentric looks, but not delivering enough in the personality department. Awkward and bumbling, and always wearing her triple D latex breast plate (a somewhat new trend in drag, which to me just look tacky and fake), I was not sad to see India go. I'm sure she's fun to see lip sync, but in the race for America's Next Drag Superstar, she was just cannon fodder.

Mariah: Looks, style, poise and a "fish-like" (drag speak for "looks like a real woman") face that could go up against any supermodel, Mariah seemed like the Glamazon to beat. She always kept her cool, even when being "read" by the other queens, her confidence (which was well deserved) shined through and she stayed collected and calm as though she had just walked out of the best massage of her life. However, her laps around the track came to a screeching halt when the contestants had to play the "Snatch Game" in which they showcase their best celebrity impersonations. Mariah's interpretation of Joan Crawford (a classic drag favorite) must have made drag queens from coast to coast cringe. I liked Mariah, but I've seen better Joan Crawfords on Halloween. I mean, who goes into a comedy sketch as Joan Crawford and doesn't once come close to having a screaming fit of rage?! Unfortunately her cool and collected persona played against her. I was sad to see her go, but she skipped a beat and paid dearly for it.

Stacy Layne Matthews: From the beginning I didn't quite understand why they fished her out of Back Swamp, North Carolina. She was sweet, but like most sweet things, they didn't deliver the nutrients needed to really fuel my Drag fix. None of her looks were up to the caliber of the other queens. She did turn out a fun personality from time to time, she was good as the Maya Angelou inspired Sci-Fi Drag Queen, and was really uncanny as Monique's chain smoking character from the film "Precious" in the Snatch Game. But she wasn't consistent enough to take her into the final laps. Again, she may be great to see lip sync, but in the end she was just cannon fodder.

Delta Work: At first Delta seemed like a real competitor. But as the episodes went on, she began to bug in all the wrong ways. She's a heavy girl, which has a very prominent place in drag history with figures like Divine. But if you're going to be a big queen, you gotta own it like royalty. And Delta simply did not own it. Because she was friends with another contestant Raja, and was always willing to put down another queen (which just exposed her already glaring self-confidence issues), she managed to eek her way into the cool kids club of contestants who dubbed themselves the "Heathers" after the 80's high school cult film. Nevertheless, her self-esteem issues were exposed through her ill fitting clothes that always seemed to highlight her enormous belly that hung down below her groin. NOT CUTE... Ever. And whenever she had to perform a speaking role she consistently came across as unsure of herself and stumbling. By the time she Sashayed Away, she had worn out her welcome with me.

Shangela Laquifa Wadley: Shangela came into the competition wrapped in controversy, complete with a bow on top. She had been in Season 2  and was eliminated in the first episode due to a seriously unfortunate dress made out of curtains. RuPaul decided to give her another chance which received mixed reactions from the other new girls. Shangela is newer to drag than any of the contestants, and was often criticized for needing help with her makeup, hair, just about everything. But the one thing she needed absolutely no help in was the one thing many of the other Queens lacked, she had enough confidence, humor and poise on camera to match any television personality. In the newscaster episode she shined as the Celebrity Gossip Girl. While she did often look somewhat "busted" (which kept her in the "booger" status to the "Heathers") she was stronger on camera and more secure in a speaking performance than any of them. You could hand her a show and she would flourish, which to me is the goal of Drag Race. However in the world of Drag, if you don't look good enough, you never will be. I know many people were annoyed by her constant "Halleloo"'s and ridiculous boasts of being "The Nancy Drew of Drag" but I enjoyed watching her. She has a real vibrancy and energy that will carry her far. I'm glad she made it as far as she did, but also glad she didn't make it farther. I also have to thank her for "She said 'Laquifa!' I say 'Whaaaat?!'"

Carmen Carerra: I could just write "Body, butt and body" and it would sum up what I thought of Carmen. In the very first episode she came out wearing a bikini. The judges told her "Don't rely on your body". So what does she do? She continues to prance around mostly naked for all but one, maybe two episodes. It got tired very quick. Yes, she looked like a real woman, but her personality went from non-existent at its worst to "that bland, self-satisfied hot chick who might as well be a take-out meal for the boys of the Jersey Shore" at best. She was eliminated before Shangela, then after Shangela Sashayed away, the judges overruled RuPaul and brought Carmen back... Only to eliminate her again in the same episode. I was glad they brought her back only because it meant we got one extra episode of Drag fabulousness, but that was the only reason why. During her final lip sync she decided that despite the fact that we have seen her in a bikini almost every episode, we had not yet seen enough. So she took off her panties... All I have to say is the last thing I ever want to see is a drag queen's cooter. I've never said this before, but thank God for fuzzy boxes... NO, not that kind, the censoring kind! Get your mind out of the gutter!

Yara Sofia: I will forever love Yara. She came into the competition as the dark horse, she's Puerto Rican and her English isn't great. She flew under the radar for the first couple of episodes, and then suddenly with her first "Echa Palante" in the work out video challenge, she exploded like a volcano, scorching the competition and bringing a level of excitement every episode. Her fashion is very avant-garde, which I love, though I could do without the dead-looking blue contacts. Her personality is sweet, fun, exciting and engaging. She has the energy of a litter of Chihuahua puppies on speed, and if she could just learn to focus it a little better, she would be flawless... Well, that and she'd have to get rid of the blond, crunchy looking Shakira wig. From the exercise video to her Spanish variety show inspired stand up routine as a midget trying to find a man in America, every time Yara was given an opportunity to show her personality she excited the audience and made us laugh til we cry. Up until her final lap in the race, I had Yara pegged as one of the top three. And she would have made it had she not had a breakdown during the fatal second to last Lip Sync for your Life of the season. She's been criticized for throwing it all away, stripping and falling to her knees during the lip sync. But I understand, under the pressure to validate yourself during her artistic expression, Yara simply was tired of proving her worth to the judges.

Finally, the top three:
First I will say that in my opinion this was the strongest top three ever. That is to say, Season 1's top two Nina Flowers and Bebe Zahara Benet will always and forever be my top two. They both were so unique and had such valuable messages. But their third, Rebecca Glasscock was miles behind the two of them. I found Season 2 to be a disappointment all around. The winner Tyra Sanchez is not somebody I would ever rally around as a pop icon. She looks great, but her personality comes across as dull and as much as I hate to say it, unintelligent. Also, I cannot bring myself to respect someone who won't even tell his son what he does. If you tell your four year old son that you dad dresses up as a girl he won't think "Other dads don't do that, you're weird" he will think "Well that's what my dad does, it's weird that yours doesn't". My point is, if you lay it all out on the table for your kid then there's no secret that has to be disclosed, as the Great Sammi of Jersey Shore says, "It just is what it is". I am in no position to tell someone how to be a parent, and I fully understand that doing what they do, things get complicated with family but if I'm going to look up to a gay icon, it cannot be somebody who hides something they value so highly in themselves. Lying about what he does makes him seem ashamed and propagates the notion that drag is something that needs to be hidden. Isn't the whole point of this show to celebrate something that has never before been seen as a valid art form? The two runner ups, Jujubee and Raven were both fierce queens, but none of the three had it all. This season, by the time Carmen got re-eliminated, any of the top four could have won and I wouldn't be upset.  I would have found it undeserved if Alexis won, but even she has a strong fun personality that I appreciate.

Alexis Mateo: The second runner up, and the weakest link of the top three, Alexis is a pageant queen. Which is shorthand for over the top and gaudy fashion sense. However, what kept her in the competition is her infectious energy and personality. She comes across as sweet and fun, someone you want to be around. But uuuugh.... most of her looks define tacky.

Manila Luzon: Never before in Drag Race history could you watch the very first episode and know which two queens will be lip syncing for the title of America's Next Drag Superstar. But from the very beginning Manila stood out as having it all, she is glamorous, quite "fish-like", funny and is very engaging on camera. To me Manila was the one who you could hand a talk show to and she would really flourish, which would have made her my first choice (not that I don't LOVE Raja, and everything she brings to the title). She is confident and funny and always fun to watch perform, even when she was playing a speech-less monkey. Her fashion sense is humorous in nature (my favorite was a 1920's inspired flapper dress made out of dollar bills!), but she never once sacrificed her beauty for the sake of humor, rather she consistently blended the two into a delightful cocktail of classic and new Drag!

Raja: Our new Drag Superstar, Raja brings something very new and fresh to the popular consciousness. Every previous season came down to one queen who was more goth, artsy and weird, and one who was more glamorous and traditional. And in the past RuPaul has always picked the glamorous over the goth. Which I understand, it certainly shows that they're looking for something specific. But this year broke new ground giving it to a performer who showcases anything from an aboriginal tribal look to a new take on classic French royalty. Unlike previous winner Tyra Sanchez, Raja is smart and wants to push boundaries. From the first episode, you knew it would come down to Manila and Raja, but there was a certain point in the competition (I think it was around the Snatch Game in which Raja's over the top impersonation of an uptight Tyra Banks was accentuated with tears of blood) when it was obvious to me that Raja was going to win. Raja is one FIERCE queen who not only owns the runway, but owns property extending into the damn parking lot! She is intelligent and avant-garde showing a very new style of drag that is more appropriately called "Genderfuck".  She is less about traditional female illusion and more about the art of performing in an androgynous persona. She has such integrity with what she does, and when you match that with her cutting edge style of drag she elevates herself into the realm of post-modern performance art.

And that rounds out our girls from Season 3! It's been quite a race, they are all fabulous, fierce and WHAT? Sickening! The only bad thing about having a new Drag Superstar is having to wait a whole year before the next season!!!

A critical anlysis of "Whip my hair"

Maybe you didn't know this, but rich people can produce, promote and popularize almost anything they please. It's true! Willow Smith, daughter of film stars Will Smith and Jada Pinkett, had the advantage of her father being familiar with both the music industry and money. Thus, Willow Smith's "Whip my Hair" was born. I am not making a statement about Willow Smith's talent, merely that this would not be possible were it not for family with money. I admit, I keep this song on my iPod shuffle and wish it randomly came on more than it does. Below is an anlysis of the song, lyrics provided in italics.




I whip my hair back and forth
I value my self expression.
I whip my hair back and forth (just whip it)
I will exercise my individuality regardless of what others think.
I whip my hair back and forth
My personal freedom is worth celebration
I whip my hair back and forth (whip it real good)
Careful or my creativity may lash out at you
I whip my hair back and forth
My fashion is colorful in nature, which represents my beliefs in self-expression
I whip my hair back and forth
Creativity can be exercised regardless of the personal space of others.
I whip my hair back and forth
Attempts to stifle my creativity will not be tolerated
I whip my hair back and forth
My self-expression will not be curbed by your reservations.

Hop up out the bed turn my swag on
From the moment I awake, my individuality is brimming
Aint no sense listining to them haters cuz we whip em off
I will not allow you to contain my self-expression
And we aint doing nothing wrong
Personal freedom is not a crime
So dont tell me nothing, i'm just tryna have fun
I will not listen to your stifling comments while I express myself
So keep the party jumping
Let us all express ourselves without stopping

So whats up (yea)
Do we have a problem?
And i'll be doing what to do
I will continue this behavior
We turn our back
I will not expose my senses to those critical of my expression
And we walk over and just shake them off
You will not even know when I reject your negativity
Shake them off, shake them off,shake them off
Do not give in to society trying to hold you down.

Don't let haters keep me off my grind
You will not restrain my individuality
Keep my head up and I know i'll be fine
I relish my own self-validation
Keep fighting until I (yea)
I will not allow myself to be stifled…
Am down and I feel like giving up
Until I don’t feel like it anymore.


I whip my hair back and forth
I value my expression above all else
I whip my hair back and forth (just whip it)
Your personal space may be victim to my creativity
I whip my hair back and forth
My hair is a relentless expression of my body and therefore of my individuality
I whip my hair back and forth (whip it real good)
My hair is a symbol for conformity and when I whip it, I reject your conformity
I whip my hair back and forth
Society cannot contain my creativity.
I whip my hair back and forth (just whip it)
I have broken free of society’s expectations of me
I whip my hair back and forth
You may continue to live your picture perfect existence but I do not
I whip my hair back and forth (whip it real good)
This here snakeskin jacket is a symbol of my individuality and belief in personal freedom
I whip my hair back and forth
Your expectations for conformity will not be met
I whip my hair back and forth (just whip it)
My will is strong, can you take it?
I whip my hair back and forth
Do not expect me to be anything less than myself
I whip my hair back and forth (whip it real good)
My hair resembles the hand of Jackson Pollack both in its motion and purpose

I'm going get more shine than a little bit
I will flourish in my realm of self-expression
Soon as I hit the stage applause iam hearing it
And you will love my self-expression
Weather its black stars black cars iam feeling it
My expression will create a class free world
But no other do it like I do
My individuality only pertains to me
I, I gets it in hmmm yea I go hard
I am relentlessly expressing myself.
When they see me pull up I whip it real hard
As others realize my creativity, I express myself even harder
I whip it real hard, real hard, I whip it real hard
And will continue to express myself harder and harder

Don't let haters keep me off my grind
Society’s attempts to dampen my expression are futile
Keep my head up and I know i'll be fine
My individuality will continue to rest on my shoulders
Keep fighting until I (yea)
I will continue to express myself
Am down and I feel like giving up
Unless I no longer feel like it.


I whip my hair back and forth
My hair is a doorway, and the act of whipping it, the key
I whip my hair back and forth (just whip it)
My aesthetic presentation is a representation of my non-conformist beliefs
I whip my hair back and forth
Individuality is the essence of my soul
I whip my hair back and forth (whip it real good)
If you expect me to be outrageous, I will be extra outrageous
I whip my hair back and forth
Creativity is that which fuels me


I whip my hair back and forth (just whip it)
Many have tried to tie me down, but like Michael Jackson in the “Leave me alone” music vide, you are tiny dogs and I am a superstar.
I whip my hair back and forth
All around the world people whip their hair
I whip my hair back and forth (whip it real good)
I will destroy your establishment

I whip my hair back and forth
Hide your kids, hide your wife
I whip my hair back and forth (just whip it)
I hit you like a hurricane, best board up your windows
I whip my hair back and forth
There is no such thing as a uniform group
I whip my hair back and forth (whip it real good)
The very laws of physics bow to the power of my expression

I whip my hair back and forth
A new paradigm of self expression is underway
I whip my hair back and forth (ok, ok just whip my hair)
Like a magician I create whimsy from nothing
I whip my hair back and forth
My hair is a force of nature
I whip my hair back and forth (whip it real good)
Even your conformist hair can be whipped into an expression of your deepest soul
I whip my hair back and forth
We must change our perspectives on our part in society’s whole
I whip my hair back and forth (ok, ok just whip my hair)
I preach to those whose creativity overtakes them
I whip my hair back and forth
The unexpected is my temple
I whip my hair back and forth (whip it real good)
Like the ocean, it may be low tide or high tide but my individuality will be ever present
I whip my hair back and forth
There is a void that is only filled by erratic behavior
I whip my hair back and forth (ok, ok just whip my hair)
I will not whip once, but will forever whip
I whip my hair back and forth
It is never to late to reject the throes of conformity
I whip my hair back and forth
Aesthetic chaos can create conceptual beauty

Ladies if you feel me
Are you a female who believes in self-expression?
Do it do it whip your hair
Then go ahead and express yourself
Dont' matter if its long, short
No matter what manner you wish your expression to take
Do it do it whip your hair
Do it and express yourself fiercely.

Ladies if you feel me
Do you believe in individuality?
Come on do it do it whip your hair
Express yourself how you feel
Dont' matter if its long, short
Express yourself however you feel
Do it do it whip your hair (your hair, your hair)
Do it! Express yourself!


I whip my hair back and forth
This conformist regime will not last
I whip my hair back and forth (just whip my hair)
Charm and wit are overrated, place faith in oneself
I whip my hair back and forth
Paradigms of the meaning of individuality are clashing and we must stake our claim as the rulers of ourselves
I whip my hair back and forth (whip it real good)
Even when I am not whipping my hair, my hair is whipping
I whip my hair back and forth
Creativity is the source of my goodness
I whip my hair back and forth (just whip my hair)
My self-expression has no time for your personal space
I whip my hair back and forth
Give me a head with hair, long beautiful hair
I whip my hair back and forth (whip it real good)
My expression rages like a forest fire spreading through conformist society
I whip my hair back and forth
Others may not tell you how to express yourself, so here is a recommendation
I whip my hair back and forth (just whip my hair)
Movement and change are forces of nature I wield like a sword
I whip my hair back and forth
There is no light at the end of the tunnel, we must instead dig ourselves out
I whip my hair back and forth (whip it real good)
Though society expects my hair to stay rigidly still, I will move it through space as I see fit

I whip my hair back and forth
Do not believe the lie, we are the conductors of our expression
I whip my hair back and forth
I have discovered the law of creativity
I whip my hair back and forth
Before tapping into your self-expression, you must shed your tainted skin
I whip my hair back and forth
Your self doubt is a rejection of your ability to flourish
I whip my hair back and forth
Allow me to share my individuality with you
I whip my hair back and forth (just whip it)
There is no self-expression without the rejection of traditional expectations
I whip my hair back and forth
Society is designed to limit the abilities of you creativity
I whip my hair back and forth (whip it real good)
Nothing is as stifling as the rigidness of daily life
I whip my hair back and forth
The universe is spiraling into self-destruction unless you break free of its physical laws

I whip my hair back and forth (just whip it)
Upon accepting aesthetic freedom, you will rejoice

I whip my hair back and forth

My individuality is insured
I whip my hair back and forth (whip it real good)

Tapping into your individuality may give you whiplash

The Dark Crystal vs. Labrynth

vs.

Like most people born in the 1980's, I am saddened by today's lack of puppets in films. Computer animation has, allegedly, rendered puppeteering obsolete, but when you look back at the work done in films as recent as Jurassic Park, you can see the potential of puppets. But sometime in 90's puppets were forgotten and CGI replaced it as a cheaper, less labor intensive method of creating imaginary creatures. There's a tactile realness (and I don't mean felt) to puppets that cannot be reproduced in CGI, and in today's films we only get to see that in rare experiences like Where the Wild Things Are. Growing up in Los Angeles, my father was a puppeteer for many years working on everything from the McDonald's Chicken McNuggetts (I remember as a child being on set for a commercial and being confused as to how Grimace was actually a little person) to Johnny 5 in Short Circuit (apparently I was on set for this too, and Ally Sheedy held me as a baby!) to HBO's the Crypt Keeper. So puppets always held a special place for me, and it's sad that it's not utilized anymore. Imagine how fantastic today's puppets would be had the technology continued to progress?!

I was raised on fantasy films, I saw The Princess Bride more times than I can count, and the TV animated film The Flight of Dragons was always my favorite to watch as my mom cut my hair. And The Dark Crystal was always one of my favorites. It was scary, fantastic, mystical, sad, funny and sweet, all with a completely fabricated world (get it, FABRIC-ated?!?) But I never knew about Labrynth until I was in my teens and friends spoke to me of a musical adventure that integrated the fantastic puppet work of The Dark Crystal with live performers David Bowie and Jennifer Connelly (who I'd loved since she sang a super sultry cover of "Sway" in Dark City).  It seems like most people my age swear by Labrynth as though Bowie is a siren of puppetland, and The Dark Crystal often gets swept under the rug. When I see Labrynth I see a half-cocked Dark Crystal, that doesn't sucessfully deliver anything that The Dark Crystal feeds the audience in stride.

The biggest difference is that Labrynth has live actors and musical numbers, both of which come across as somewhat flat. I love both Connelly and Bowie, but Connelly is best when she's playing mororse, and doesn't quite have the snotty yet curious "Alice in Wonderland" attitude down. And while Bowie is clearly one of the undisputed musical masters of the 20th Century, the songs fall flat throwing around general references to magic to emphasize that he's the Goblin King. And of course, lots of "Baby"'s because what's a pop song without "Baby", BUT here we get the added useless double meaning because he's singing to a baby. The songs barely enhance the plot and come across almost as just time fillers. All in all  they almost sound like they would work better in a middle school musical version of "The Crucible-Light". To me the whole musical element is a valiant effort to create a new spectacle, but just doesn't match the masterful work that goes into the constructed sets and creatures. And as for Bowie's acting, he passes as being the cool Goblin King Jareth, and looks great in those male-modern dancer pants minus the codpiece. But he's more suited as the aloof alien in The Man Who Fell to Earth than a mystical villain. The puppets are, of course, very well made, Ludo is a loveable Cowardly Lion (always my favorite friend of Dorothy's) for the 80's and who could forget the Helping Hands. The story is a fairly standard fantasy nothing incredibly challenging or innovative for the viewer, but combined with the elaborate sets and well made puppets, it is worth seeing if you haven't already. However on a whole the film comes across as unfocused, and ends on a general note of "Be careful what you wish for."

The Dark Crystal on the other hand shines as a unique piece of filmmaking and puppetwork, creating a film that hasn't ever been matched on its own terms. This film takes you through a full range of emotions. The Skeksis, who look like  undead prehistoric terror-birds are truly the stuff of nightmares for kids. And even as an adult, I still want to cry as the Mystics peacefully simply fade away when one of their counterparts dies. It goes to much darker places than Labrynth, turning cute felt creatures into soul-less zombies, and linking the yogi-like Mystics to the evil Skeksis. This connection between the Mystics and Skeksis is a metaphor that, while complex, is fundamentally simple and resonates from childhood into adulthood. This is a uniqely crafted fantasy story that creates an allegory of good and evil being intrinsically intertwined through the power of the crystal, and the ultimate goal is the unification and therefore destruction of not only supreme evil (Skeksis) but also the representation of good (Mystics). Very complex ideology for a kids movie. All of this is surrounded by the beautifully crafted and tactile world and creatures that inhabit Labynth but with a heartbreaking and unique story molded around it. The only part of the film that drags is the main character Jen's repeated repeated musings about his inadquacy and hesitations in completing his destined mission. Which are pretty wellfounded, but lucky for him he meet's Kira, who can fly (apparenly female Gelflings are naturally more awesome than males) and talk to animals. Kira the fiercest girl power puppet this side of Miss Piggy. As a child, and today, I find the real power of the film lies in the allegory of the Skeksis and the Mystics. The Skeksis embody fear, their own fear of each other's lust for power, and the audiences fear of them. The Mystics embody peace, each one an accomplished scholar and Buddha-like zen-master. While they are different in nature, their destinies are the same, when a Skeksi dies due to his own corruption, a Mystic fades away into the ether. It is this duality and recognition of good and evil as springing from the same source makes  The Dark Crystal a unique and abstract study of the balance we can all hope to achieve.